The Madison-Marine-Homecrest Civic Association has changed the date of its April meeting to accommodate for the holidays. They’ve rescheduled it for next Thursday, April 28. While this might seem very respectful to Jewish neighbors, I’d like to point out that it inconveniences a whole lot of other people who celebrate their major cultural and religious milestones on April 28. Those milestones include:
- The anniversary of the first utterance of “Nam Myoho Renge Kyo” by Nichiren, a Japanese Buddhist monk. This phrase, meaning “To Honour/devote oneself to the Wonderful Law of the Lotus Flower Sutra,” and is the primary mantra of Nichiren Buddhism.
- The remembrance of a 1503 battle in Cerignola, Italy, between a small Spanish army and a French army four times its size. The Spaniards won, marking the first time in history a battle was won by gunpowder small arms. Though the U.S. had nothing to do with it, this should be a major American holiday. In fact, any holiday glorifying guns should be a major American holiday.
- This is the day, in 1920, that Azerbaijan was added to the Soviet Union. That’s, uh, something, right?
- Whoa! They’re putting a meeting on the anniversary of a major American labor accomplishment. In 1869, railroad workers working on the First Transcontinental Railroad laid 10 miles of track in one day, a feat which has never been matched. And in true American style, all of the actual work was done by underpaid immigrant laborers (in this case, Chinese and Irish).
- What, Italians don’t celebrate the day Mussolini was executed? Inconsiderate civic association…
- The anniversary of the 1965 occupation of the Dominican Republic by U.S. forces, for the purpose of forestalling the establishment of a Communist dictatorship. They were more or less successful, preserving the nation for privileged middle class Americans to buy discount vacation packages years later, and allow their fat, pale behinds to sit around resorts and later go home and tell their friends how cultural they are because they went to “The D.R.” instead of Florida this year.
- Saddam Hussein’s birthday. Just sayin’. (Jay Leno’s, too. Coincidence?)
- In 1986 the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise boldly went where another guy just was, as it transited the Suez Canal to relieve the USS Coral Sea. Why is this notable? It was the first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier to go through the Suez Canal. What, that’s not enough for you? Look, buddy, I just wanted to say that he “boldly went where another guy just was.” Lay off me.
- On April 28, 1788, Maryland ratified the Constitution of the United States. On second thought, who cares?
So there you have it. I am hereby calling out the Madison-Marine-Civic Association for discriminating against all of the tens of people in our neighborhood who may possibly perhaps be affected by their rescheduling of their April meeting.
It’s just not fair, man. It’s a gun holiday!