Video: Crab Carnage At Seaport Buffet

There aren’t words to describe the video above. It was filmed yesterday at the Seaport Buffet at Loehmann’s Seaport Plaza (2027 Emmons Avenue), and it’s the number one reason I hate going to buffets in Brooklyn.

I went with a friend of mine from New Jersey. I spent a good 25 minutes prior to going to the buffet explaining the tong takedown that occurs when crab legs hit the table. You see, I needed to explain it because in New Jersey they don’t do this. They don’t do it in Pennsylvania, either. Or any other state in which I’ve been to a buffet. You go to buffets there and people take just a couple at a time, and there’s always some left in the tray. It’s called civility, and it’s enough to make a fat Brooklyn boy cry.

And so I explained it. In detail. He geared up, excited to see it. To him, it sounded like a gladiator match for the morbidly obese. But I warned him my words didn’t do it justice, which he couldn’t imagine. And so we arrived, and we went for our first plates of appetizers and just then the woman came out with the steaming tray of critter limbs.

I made him watch. I counted to fifteen. The crabs were gone, and so was my friend’s appetite.

Yes, it’s like this all over Brooklyn. But the Seaport Buffet is the most competitive of all the places I’ve been to, and it’s disgusting. People even take the tongs back to their seats (watch the guy in the top right). They trample children. They leave nothing for no one.

What the hell is wrong with these people?