Sunday: Grimaldo’s Mile Swim Race At Coney-Brighton

I swim like I run. Slowly. And for short distances. And followed by heaving and, eventually, a nap I didn’t earn.

So this Sunday’s event isn’t for me to take part in, but it should be fun for spectators – not to mention the party afterwards.

The Coney Island Brighton Beach Open Water Swimmers is hosting Grimaldo’s Mile, a one-mile, straight-line ocean swim, parallel to shore along – you guessed it – Coney Island Beach and Brighton Beach. The July 17 event kicks off at 8:00 a.m., with the race starting in Coney Island at Stillwell Avenue; it finishes at Brighton Beach by the Shorefront Y at Coney Island Avenue.

The after-party at the Y includes yummy food, live music and a great goodie bag. It’s too late to register to swim, but we recommend showing up with a box of cigars, giving all the swimmers silly names like racehorses, then cheering on your favorite one. When you lose, you should have some papers to tear up and throw in the air while you stomp around and spit. It’ll bring back some of that ol’ Brighton Beach we all miss so much.

Or, you know, you can just watch and go to the party like a normal human being.