Special Needs Parenting: Finding Relief In An Autism Diagnosis

“Your son meets the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder.”

I often wondered what my reaction would be after hearing those words. Sadness? Anxiety? Anger? All of the above? To some extent, yes, every single one of those emotions sat in a jumbled mess at the bottom of my stomach.

I also felt relief.

Relief. It sounds like such an odd response to hearing that your child is on the autism spectrum, but after living in the cone of uncertainty, it was comforting to know that we finally had a path to follow.

For over three years, the prospect of autism floated above our heads like a storm cloud waiting to burst. We saw the signs and we prepared, but as specialists offered conflicting forecasts, we held out hope that maybe the skies would clear.

They didn’t clear.

Sitting there in the developmental pediatrician’s office, I knew what was coming. Watching her check off one diagnostic section after another, I wondered what autism would mean for this blonde haired little boy in front of me. Would he thrive? Would he be independent? Would he find acceptance and happiness?

That’s when my son walked over with his coloring book.

“Look at my picture of the Titanic, Mommy,” he said. “It’s about to leave Southampton, and these are the first class passengers. They’re standing next to Captain Edward J. Smith.”

I gave him a tight squeeze before he turned and walked back to the coloring table.

“Your son meets the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder.”

I smiled. This diagnosis didn’t change my boy. He was still the same five-year-old that walked into that building two hours before. The only difference was that now we had a special tool – knowledge.

The diagnosis would help us and those around him better understand his developmental delays. It would give us access to better schools and therapies. It would take away that fear of the unknown. It would allow us to focus on our incredible kid, and help him live to the best of his ability.

It was a relief.

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