Police Blotter: Food-Related Fiascoes & A Bad Week For Glass

According to the latest CompStat report, the most prevalent crimes in the 70th Precinct at the end of July and first few days of August included petit larceny, grand larceny, and misdemeanor assault, which saw increases of 76.5%, 57.1% and 133.3% since the same week last year. On the other hand, there were no murders from July 29-August 4 this year (as opposed to one during the same period in 2012), and robbery, burglary, and grand larceny auto have each decreased by about a third for the same time period.

This week’s police blotter, using reports from the 70th, focuses on attempted car-jumping, alternative uses for canned produce, trading an Apple for a pastry, and carrying a big stick.

Windshield wipe-out

A 47-year-old driver was waiting for the light to change on Dorchester and Coney Island Avenue in the wee morning hours of July 29 when police say a man crossing the street jumped on top of his car, cracking the windshield. The bouncy bruiser was apprehended soon after, and at least should have been charged with thinking this is actually an acceptable or impressive thing for a grown man to do.

Taking a beeting

A man walked into a grocery store on Flatbush and Clarendon on the afternoon of August 2, only to be pummeled with canned vegetables by a total stranger, according to police. Cops say the female perp began throwing the containers after following the victim down the street and into the establishment, proving once and for all that lima beans make better projectiles than they do food.

Apple, pie

A neighbor who picked up his food and forgot his iPhone 4 on the counter at John’s Bakery the afternoon of August 3 returned–you guessed it–to find it had been stolen, the 70th Precinct reports. We can totally empathize with getting overly excited about lunch, which is why it’s extra depressing that he didn’t get a chance to post his grub on Instagram.

But did she speak softly?

A Cortelyou Road man called the cops around 1:30am on the morning of August 8, and he reported a woman began hitting the window of his basement apartment with a stick. Hopefully the lawyer for the 39-year-old perp, who cops say they picked up for the crime, advised her that “sticking it to the man” is not a legitimate defense.

CompStat report via nyc.gov