Park Slope Bicycle Thief Has Questionable Strategy

photo credit: Johanna Clearfield via Patch

Johanna Clearfield locked her bike up outside over night, and, in a twist surprising to no one, it was gone by morning. Or rather, most of it was gone — she was, she reports, the victim of a “double wheel-putation.” But here’s where the story gets good, because Johanna Clearfield seems to have stumbled a singularly brazen thief:

I … was shocked to find a legal-sized hand-written note Scotch-taped to the spot where my bike was. It said, “Whoever owns the bike and two stolen wheels, I caught the guy and I have the bike and 2 wheels. Call 347-XXX-XXXX.”

I walked around the block and saw more of these notes Scotch-taped to mailboxes and lampposts. I then passed by two other similarly disfigured 10-speeds, mangled, mutilated and chained to other posts. I wanted to be furious, but couldn’t help laugh at the nerve, the audacity and/or incredible stupidity of this person leaving their cell number. I could hear the conversation —

Thief #1, “Just post a note saying, ‘I caught the guy.'”

Thief #2, “That’ll work?”

Thief #1, “Damn straight, it’ll work — they want they’re s@*t back, right?”

Over at Patch, Clearfield relays the whole tragicomic tale, which, sadly, is as of yet unresolved.