Hobgoblins, Bridge Trolls, And Wormholes: Prospect Park Has An ‘Onion’ All To Itself

Something mysterious happened in Prospect Park last weekend, and This Week In Prospect Park was the only site to report about the bizarre events which took place within the boundaries of our beloved Brooklyn jewel:

“For the third time since 1867, a mysterious tunnel has appeared connecting a path near Sullivan Hill, in the northern part of Prospect Park, with the paths under Breeze Hill, in the southern part. The tunnel, or ‘spacial anomaly’ as Prospect Park staff physicist/observational-phenomenologist Jayesh Subramani refers to it, was present for roughy 40 hours, from sundown Friday until sundown Sunday.”

If you were heading towards Smorgasburg or hanging out with the goats last weekend, you may have witnessed the rare appearance of a mysterious tunnel.

Ok, maybe there wasn’t a mysterious tunnel after all, but the tumblr This Week In Prospect Park writes that it did.

So who’s in charge of This Week In Prospect Park, anyway?

“The Prospect Park Alliance doesn’t have a tumblr,” says Grace McCreight, External Affairs Assistant of Government & Community Relations for the Prospect Park Alliance. “This site seems to be ‘The Onion‘ for a niche group following the park.”

The tumblr describes itself as “A look at the week’s goings-on in Brooklyn’s largest and most beautiful public park. Plus monsters.”

The individual or group responsible for the tumblr is keeping quiet — we have yet been able to locate them. And while some may be delighted should any of this Prospect Park news actually be real, we’re still hoping to speak with Physicist/Observational-Phenomenologist Jayesh Subramani about his belief that the mysterious bridge was a “momentary Einstein-Rosen Bridge, or ‘wormhole,’ caused by the fluctuating curvature of space-time.”

Unfortunately, Subramani is yet another mystery. “We don’t have anyone named Jayesh Subramani on our staff,” confirms McCreight.

The tumblr first posted on March 28, with an entry titled “Prospect Park’s Rock Giants Expected to be 30% Larger Than Average This Year.” In the post, readers were warned to avoid Lookout Hill:

“This deterioration, caused by water seeping into cracks in the Rock Giants’ body and freezing, normally breaks off chunks which balance the Rock Giant’s natural annual growth.  According to Obuleed, some of the Rock Giant clan may be larger than houses this year. Obuleed recommends avoiding Lookout Hill. Look out indeed!”

If you should know the creators of this fantastic tumblr, tell them to give us a shout at editor@bklyner.com. We promise to conceal their identity should they set those rules of engagement.

Whoever they are, the tumblr has provided some rather vital information:

“‘An uneasy peace was reached with the Troll population some years ago,’ explains park landscape architect Hallvard Olhauser. ‘In return for spring plantings of flowering annuals in cement planters near the bridges, the Trolls agreed to stop eating livestock.’

Who knew that a detente took place between the landscapers and the bridge trolls in mid-April?

This Week In Prospect Park certainly did.