Failed Headlines: KamaSutra Sex Shop Story

Ned Berke -

Every now and then a story comes along that’s just too good to give a straightforward headline. It’s just crying for the tabloid news treatment. Our story about the Sheepshead Bay sex shop, KamaSutra, is one example of that.

We started tossing ideas around our virtual offices when working on this story, and most were too ludicrous to put above such a serious controversy. We’re not going to lie – the one we chose, “Sex Shop’s Opening Slammed By Sheepshead Neighbors,” cracked us up. But it was subtle enough, we felt, not to trivialize the information.

Now the story has died down a bit, and we think it’s safe to share with you some of the ideas that made the rounds. Not all are clever; some practically bash you over the head. Others you may have to think about a little too much. But we thought most of them were kind of funny. If you’ve got your own to add, please, feel free.

Oh, and some of these are a bit graphic in nature, so stop reading now if you’re easily offended.

  • Sheepshead Sex Shop Arouses Neighbors
  • Sex Shop Gets Ridden Hard
  • Sex Shop Opening Attracts Local Pol
  • Sex Shop Flashes The Bay
  • New Sex Shop Presents A Sticky Situation
  • Adult Toy Store Cums to Sheepshead Bay
  • Residents Don’t Want Dildos Rammed Down Their Throats
  • Seedy Business Hoping To Line Its Pocket (Pussies)
  • Residents Want To Give New Sex Shop The Shaft
  • Sex Shop May Prove To Be Too Tight A Fit For This Community
  • Sex Shop Hopes to Grease Its Palms With Sheepshead Money
  • Dil-Don’t! (Okay, that was Bay News’ headline. Tip o’ the hat to them.)
  • Local Pol Blasts All Over Sex Shop’s Opening

Now it’s your turn. What’ve you got for us?