Ex-Cop Fights Plumb Beach Lewdness Charges

A former NYPD detective is battling charges that he publicly fondled himself on Plumb Beach last August, saying there was no way the arresting officer could have seen him since bushes were in the way, and – hey – he was peeing anyway.

Retired Detective Joseph Tesoriere was arrested after he allegedly requested an undercover Parks Service cop join him in the bushes where he fondled himself.

But during trial, his lawyer argues it wasn’t lewdness because – like Adam in the Garden of Eden – the bushes blocked the public from viewing his junk.

According to the NY Post, his lawyer, Robert Feldman, argued in court papers, “It is impossible to perform a visible lewd act when the lower body is obscured by August vegetation.”

The lawyer also said the cop couldn’t identify the wang in a lineup if he had tried, and had lied during testimony.

“The officer perjured himself,” Feldman said. “He couldn’t testify how long it was. He couldn’t testify how big his penis is.”

Of course, Tesoriere was only peeing, according to his lawyer.

Humor aside, if a judge and jury actually buy this nonsense, it’ll clear the way for scores of people to hump in the Plumb Beach bushes – so long as their shielded from the public’s view by some shrubs.