An Accountant’s Fruitcake Recipe

Tuesday Tips is a series of articles from local experts to help you save money, make better decisions and plan for a better future. Well, that’s what it usually is, anyway. This week we go in a slightly different direction.

Fruitcake Recipe


*One cup water
*One cup sugar
*Four large eggs
*Two cups of dried fruit
*One teaspoon baking soda
*One teaspoon salt
*One cup brown sugar
*Lemon juice
*One bottle whisky

Step One:

  • Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink.
  • Repeat.

Step Two:

  • Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
  • Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer.

Step Three:

  • Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
  • Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Step Four:

  • Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.
  • Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Step Five:

  • Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
  • Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again, and go to bed.

Merry Christmas!

Joseph Reisman, of Joseph S. Reisman & Associates, has been serving tax prep and business accounting expertise from his Coney Island Avenue office for more than 25 years. Check out the firm’s website.


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