A Study Finds That Subway Platforms Are Dirty And Ugly, Surprising No One

In a bombshell investigative report, the New York Post has learned that subway stations and platforms, even in the glitziest sections of Manhattan, are disgusting and visually unpleasing.

The stunning findings, courtesy of the rider advocacy group the Straphangers Campaign, included eyewitness testimony from New Yorkers, flabbergasted at how poorly maintained the platforms are:

Juan Perez, 48, who uses the Chambers Street J/Z station, said the platform there is one of the dingiest he has seen…

“It looks like it hasn’t been retiled since the 1920s,” he said. “It’s falling apart.”…

“It’s gritty and it’s not a good representation of our city,” said Harry Dubin, an Upper East Sider who uses the City Hall stop to visit his sister and her family at a luxury condo nearby.

“It’s rundown and a dump.”

The study noted the presence of rats, crumbling tiles, overflowing garbage bins and graffiti as major factors contributing to the negative experience expressed by New Yorkers. According to experts, the technical term for this experience is known as “reality.”

All joking aside, the numbers gathered by the Starphangers Campaign study are depressing. According to the report, 74 percent of all stations need fresh paint jobs and a whopping 82 percent of all underground platforms suffer from significant water damage.

The MTA defended the shitty quality of the stations by claiming that their focus, rightly so, is on addressing safety issues first and foremost. Still, it would be amazing to one day see the century of grime and filth, caked into and onto the station floors and walls, washed clean. Hey, I’ll stop dreaming, it’s not like New York is the greatest city in the world or anything. Why would New Yorkers ever even dream of commuting to their homes and jobs if it wasn’t a journey through abject grossness?