Wireman Shows Us The Heart Behind His UV-Resistant Safety Coating

Have you seen Wireman around town? We noticed a few flyers for the tangled troublemaker by the Cortelyou Road station the other day, and decided to get in touch and find out more.

Luckily for us, Wireman was able to clear his schedule normally full of child star hangout sessions, painting himself inaccurately, and attempting to steal Maru’s thunder to talk about weather, Dusty Springfield, and wire life in Ditmas Park.

Wireman seems like a guy who gets into some pickles. What are common issues in your life as a man made of wire?

Well, like everyone else these days, overheating. For some reason no one’s come up with wireless fans or air conditioners, so I’m being used, and abused, and tangled, and stepped on lately like you wouldn’t believe. But then again, I’m happy to provide comfort to people. That’s why I’m here, really–to make things work.

Do you feel like wire is underrated next to the devices it powers?

Oh, insanely so! But then again, we were designed to be conduits, not the star attractions. We’re like the music, or set design, or lighting in a film–you’re not supposed to notice it. It should enhance the overall mood or feel of what’s happening, not call attention to itself. But if someone notices us on occasion, I’m not complaining–sometimes the song makes the scene.

Now that you don’t have to be connected to phones or computers, what do you do with all your free time?

Free time? I’ll be honest with you, it’s a double-edged sword; who doesn’t want more free time? Then again, idleness is the devil’s workshop. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with myself–do you know that song by Tommy Hunt? My cousin was at the Dusty Springfield recording session. Dusty would hold the microphone and play with the wire as she sang–it’s my cousin’s claim to fame and he never shuts up about it.

Sorry, I got sidetracked there, don’t get me started on singers and their wire abuse. I’m looking at you, Roger Daltrey.

Do you have wire friends locally, or wiry places you like to go?

I do spend quite a bit of my time hanging out on telephone wires–most people just assume I’m some strange bird. You people have the weirdest conversations.

To be honest with you, sometimes when I’m not sure if I want to stay indoors or go outside, I’ll look longingly at the screen in my window and think, “That guy has the best of both worlds.” Paper clips also lead the good life.

Really, we’re happy you folks are going wireless in a lot of ways. We do find it hilarious when you go to plug something in and you get a shock, though–sorry, but it’s true.

What’s unique about life as a man made of wire in Ditmas Park?

I do love me some Ditmas Park–especially how the neighborhood has been changing over the years. The wiring in the library on Cortelyou is particularly sweet, and the Co-op has some nice work going on. As we say in the wire community, “Any place out of the mine is a good place.”

You told us in an initial email that you want to achieve world domination, “at least Simpsons or South Park popularity.” What do you hope to achieve as your fan base grows?

I suppose I want what everyone else wants–peace, love, understanding, and for everyone to get along and lend a helping hand. If you have an abundance of wire, give some to your neighbor who doesn’t have any. We’re all the same under the surface–it doesn’t matter if you’re black, aluminum, red, steel, white, or copper. Careful around high voltage, and stay charged.

Want to stay in touch with Wireman? Keep up with his daily goings-on via Facebook and his blog, mrwireman.wordpress.com. And if you know a Ditmas Park neighbor we should write about, tell us at editor@ditmasparkcorner.com.