In This Week’s Edition Of Stupid Criminals, Man Tries To Break Into An ATM Using Only A Saw

Ocean’s Eleven this is not.

Cops are looking for a man that they say tried to break into an ATM yesterday using only a saw.

Employees of Borough Park’s Berkshire Bank at 5010 13th Avenue arrived yesterday morning to find the ATM all scuffed up – because that’s about all a saw will do to the heavy-duty electronic bank tellers. They called the cops, and after reviewing footage found the man entered the bank’s ATM area just after midnight to make his attempted heist.

Guess what? “He did not remove any money from the location,” according to cops. Go figure.

The suspect is described as a white male, aged 35 to 40, between 5’8″ to 5’10” and 180 lbs.

What does it take to break into an ATM? According to the know-it-all Wikipedia, most methods require stealing the whole damn thing and then bashing the bastid open with industrial construction machinery, or stealing the whole damn thing, sealing it, filling it with gas and exploding it from the inside. Or digging a tunnel beneath it and breaking in from the bottom – again, with really insane equipment. More than a saw, at least.

Oh, and most of these techniques have been neutralized, too.

Anyone with information about this incredibly stupid criminal is asked to call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-577-TIPS (8477). The public can also submit their tips by logging onto the Crime Stoppers website or by texting their tips to 274637 (CRIMES) and then entering TIP577.