Need Help Talking With Your Kids About Sex? Best-Selling Author Kelli Dunham Leads Workshop At Please On January 13
Since the store’s opening in last March, Please (557 5th Avenue at 15th Street) has become far more than just a boutique where you can buy adult toys, books, lotions, lubricants, ball gags, and wrist restraints (although it is a go-to place for all of these).
Owner Sid Azmi has focused on being at the forefront of providing workshops and lectures addressing subjects that allow you to discuss sexuality in a myriad of ways.
A few months ago, Tina Horn came to discuss the subject of “Dirty Talk,” focusing on an individual’s ability to use erogenous language. More recently, Please offered a Rope Bondage 101 and 102 classes, which provided an opportunity to allow participants to learn about basic tying techniques of rope bondage as well as some insight in art of shibari — a Japanese technique of bondage. (This reporter wrote about the Rope Bondage 102 experience.)
On Wednesday, January 13, Please will offer a workshop on an important and challenging matter — talking to your kids about “the birds and the bees.”
Titled, Beyond the Birds and the Bees: How to Talk to Your Kids About Puberty, Body Changes, and Sex, the workshop for parents will be led by nurse/best-selling author Kelli Dunham.
As Please explains it, the “workshop is geared towards parents of kids aged 8-14, and is sure to demonstrate what happens when two of Kelli’s skills (her training as a registered nurse and comic writing ability) are combined into one informative and skill-building class!”
Dunham’s best-selling books, The Boy’s Body Book and The Girl’s Body Book are rich with materials that will also serve as a valuable resource for the workshops.
And she brings a sense of humor to the exploration of these subjects. Award-winning author Barbara Carellas calls Dunham “the David Sedaris of the genderqueer dyke world.”
We had a chance to discuss Dunham’s intricate background, the importance of “skill-building,” and even practical questions about how to use potentially uncomfortable parenting moments as opportunities for important conversations.
PSS: Thanks for talking with us, Kelli. You have such a rich background — writer, performer, comedian…and registered nurse. And if I have this right, you are an ex-nun. When did you start writing?
KD: I wrote alternative endings for the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew mysteries as a kid which I suppose was fan fiction before it had a name. I’ve always done writing of some type but didn’t author my first book until I graduated from nursing school.
Nurses are highly trusted professionals (always #1 or #2 in Gallup polls) and so having the combination of being 1. a highly trusted professional, 2. a writer, and 3. a comic gave me the opportunity to tackle subjects in a way that made people eager — or at least willing — to read about hard subjects.
The subject of body changes and sexuality aren’t the most comfortable for parents to speak about. Your workshop is described as “skill-building.” Skill is an interesting term to use.
Families are bombarded with information about how to raise their kids and under a lot of pressure from forces outside the family to do the right thing which is often about buying the most expensive stroller, putting your kid in violin lessons at age 18 months, feeding them only organic local produce that volunteered to be eaten, etc.
And certainly there are places to trust the experts but it’s important to remember when it comes to your kids, or the kids you are raising: you are the expert. Even though there is a lot of nuance to it, on the surface we’re talking about something that parents probably do every day: 1. assess current level of knowledge, 2. assess desired level of knowledge, and 3. talk openly and directly.
The “talking openly and directly” part is where skill building comes in. If you are stammering and red faced and embarrassed, your kid sees that. Although you can never in a million years plan for all the random questions a kid might ask, you can practice talking about body changes and puberty in a straightforward way and it will make a huge difference.
How did you get to know about Please? What brings you to this store/space and how do you connect to it?
I came to know about Please through a mutual friend who told them about my books; they reached out to me and I was really happy they asked me to come to the store! I am excited there is something in Park Slope like this shop where people can come not only for equipment and ideas but also for real, frank honest communication…hope the people of Park Slope are recognizing what a treasure this is!
Here’s a practical question. I have friends who get very uncomfortable with their kids staring at them naked when they’re changing clothes or showering in their small apartments. Privacy is at a premium here. What would you tell these parents?
Privacy is always an issue, even with larger places, and bigger families especially have dealt with this since the beginning of time. Sometimes it requires a lot of creativity! As awkward as some of these inadvertent interactions can be, they can be great stepping stones to important conversations.
For example, you can teach kids about privacy, about knocking before entering a room, and that it’s not appropriate to stare at anyone’s body, whether it’s clothed or not. It’s also a great place to share an ethic around “everyone’s body is their own; we don’t make comments about other people’s bodies.” which would be a great thing for kids to learn early!
Do you think that — in general — the dialogue about sex between parents and children is getting to be more common, more well-articulated?
I think anecdotally I would say yes. I know I certainly had more information than my parents had, and much more information than my grandparents. But of course that’s not true for all families. There is also the current difficulty of having to counter the huge amount of misinformation on the internet, and offer fact-based sites (e.g., scarleteen.com).
The Class Rundown: Beyond the Birds and the Bees: How to Talk to Your Kids About Puberty, Body Changes, and Sex, with Kelli Dunham
Where: Please, 557 5th Avenue at 15th Street
When: Wednesday, January 13, 7:30pm-9pm
Admission: $45.00 for 2, $25 for a single. Purchase tickets online.