Brush Up Your Sexting: Please And Excelsior Bar Collaborate On One-Of-A-Kind Show
Admit it, sometimes you need a little help — even with skills you think you have … mastered.
Now, don’t be shy. Human relations in the digital age are complicated. And what may have been considered taboo some years ago may not be so anymore.
We’re not suggesting you’ve done it before (wink wink), but sexting is part of our pop-cultural zeitgeist. And what better way to deepen your understanding of a skill than spending a few hours with an expert?
And that’s where A Sexting Variety Show comes in. An evening of sext-y improv games (the audience is encouraged but not required to participate), filthy comedy from Sriya Sarkar, Sexting-themed short films from Eileen Yaghoobian of Send Me Your Sexts, and a workshop to help you master your digits will take place this Saturday, February 27 at Excelsior Bar (563 5th Avenue, between 15th and 16th Streets).
Sex-positive store Please New York (557 5th Avenue at 15th Street) has been offering many a workshop that takes those “naughty subjects” and turns them into opportunities for sophisticated dialogue, practical information, and — let’s get to it — a lot of fun.
This time, Please is collaborating with Excelsior Bar just a few doors down. You may remember that this popular neighborhood gay bar had been in their 5th Avenue near 7th Street spot since 1999, but moved nine blocks south to their new digs (563 5th Avenue, between 15th and 16th Streets) in September 2015.
The opportunity for local businesses to join together is always exciting. Excelsior’s owner Mark Nayden tells us “Sid [Azmi, the owner of Please] and I have talked since we were both under construction and she loves our upstairs space and has wanted to do something there.”
The evening also serves as a book launch party for writer/educator/interdisciplinary media-maker/queer punk Tina Horn. Her new book Sexting: The Grownup’s Little Book of Sex Tips For Getting Dirty Digitally is part of the celebration (and the ticket price includes a copy). The event is “a chance to support & promote both Please and Excelsior, and have some fun early on a Saturday evening,” adds Nayden.
Horn is returning to lead the Please-sponsored event after her successful workshop in November 2015: “Use Your Words: Dirty Talk” — focusing on the ability to use erogenous language.
Horn’s workshops and readings on dirty talk, spanking, and sex worker rights have been featured at a variety of international venues, including Good Vibrations, UC Berkeley, Lesbian Sex Mafia, Dark Odyssey, Catalyst Con, Red Umbrella Diaries, International Ms Leather, and the Feminist Porn Conference at University of Toronto.
Horn is also has a podcast called Why Are People Into That? which has a non-judgmental (and very funny) approach to human sexuality. You can also follow her active twitter feed.
We had a chance to catch up with Horn once again, who continues to offer a fascinating and grounded take on sexuality. Similar to Please, Horn serves as a mythbuster on many subjects.
PSS: You recently did a workshop at Please called “Use Your Words: Dirty Talk.” What are some of the basic differences between dirty talk “live” and dirty talk on your phone?
The funny thing is, I was commissioned to write my new book Sexting: The Grownup’s Guide to Getting Dirty Digitally because of my reputation as a dirty talk expert, not a computer-wiz. I just happen to turn any and all technology into an erotic tool!
So I definitely think the principals are the same for virtual or “IRL” [In Real Life] sexual communication: know what words you like and what are off-limits, find out what turns your partner on, and be creative!
Whether you’re dirty talking in the heat of passion with your partner, or sending them a seductive message on your phone from across the country, dirty talk is all about deeper connection.
One of the great pros to sexting as opposed to IRL dirty talk is that time is on your side! You can breathe and think about what you want to type to your partner, and you won’t get tongue-tied. Sometimes we feel a bit bolder about typing a fantasy than looking into someone’s eyes.
If you can type it first and you get a positive response, then you may feel more confident about bringing it up in person!
What sext-ing skills do you think most people could benefit from working on?
Think of sexting as an art. Your medium — be it SMS, IM, picture sharing, video, Snapchat, or whatever’s new and cool — is a chance for you to seduce your partner. Seduction is about romance, power play, teasing, yearning, and building excitement.
Set a scene. Describe all the senses: sight, touch, taste, smell. Describe emotions, how something makes you feel. Illustrate what it would be like if you were in the room with your partner. Build suspense. Expand your vocabulary. Talk about other parts of the body besides the genitals. If you’re taking pictures, think about placing the phone/camera in the position you want your partner in, like between your legs!
What advice would you give to someone who believes sexting to be a taboo, or even something that only people who are interested in ‘hooking up’ do?
Communication is an indispensable part of healthy, exciting, happy relationships. Digital technology is defining more and more of how humans connect in our modern world. Phones and computers are just personal tools to choose your own adventure!
You can use messaging software for romance, seduction, consent, or masturbation material. As long as you remember that there is another human on the other end of that floating speech bubble, you’re good to go!
You’ve probably adapted your business routines to email and camera phone technology. Why not your erotic and romantic activities, too? Maybe people are not used to seeing the digital paper trail, your own desires and naughty thoughts reflected back to you. Instead of turning away from that possibility, why not see sexting as a chance to get to know your sexual self a little better?
What would you tell someone who wants to initiate sexting with someone, but aren’t sure if that someone would be into it?
Great opening sexts from my book:
- I’ve been very bad today.
- I can’t stop thinking about you.
- I’m wearing that dress you like.
- I want you to be rough with me tonight.
- I’m craving your touch.
Start with something PG/PG-13 and let the other person ramp things up. Text something that warrants a response, and allow your partner to indicate interest. This kind of slow build creates much hotter conversation, and also helps to establish consent.
Start in first gear and work your way slowly up in intensity. Send an opening text like “I can’t stop thinking about you today” instead of going straight for the dick pic! Start with a picture of your mouth, hand, or stomach instead of your crotch and make your partner ask/beg for something more X-rated. And make sure your partner knows that you’re turned on by them, that you want to connect with them.
Everyone could use some improvement with their social media skills. Here’s a perfect opportunity to work out a some hard-to-reach muscles. See you Saturday.
The Event Rundown: Please New York and Tina Horn Present: A Sexting Variety Show
Where: Excelsior Bar (563 5th Avenue, between 15th and 16th Streets)
When: Saturday, February 27, 7:00-10:00pm
Admission: $20 in advance, $25 at the door—includes a copy of Tina Horn’s book, Sexting: The Grownup’s Little Book of Sex Tips For Getting Dirty Digitally. Purchase tickets online or at Please New York (557 5th Avenue at 15th Street)