Beyonce’s New Coney Island Music Video, For Which She Tortured An Innocent Woman To Tears, Is Now Out

Quote the internet: ERMAHGUD! BEYONCE’S GOT A NEW MOOZAK VIDYA!

Beyonce’s new Coney Island-themed music video for her song “XO” dropped on Monday, causing my news alerts to go haywire with mentions of Coney Island. So, apparently, I can’t get back to bringing you the news until we give Beyonce some publicity that she didn’t pay us for, per our agreement with the Devil.

Beyonce spent a day in Coney Island this summer to shoot the video, riding the Cyclone and Wonder Wheel and bumping her gratuitous ass off at Eldorado.

She also made a woman cry.

I mention it because everyone seems to have stopped talking about it with the release of her new video, but she did. She scared a woman nearly to death, locked her in a cage and dangled her from great heights for half an hour while Beyonce’s team of slaves  professionals blotted more concealer and eyeliner on the star’s heavenly flesh.

Okay, so maybe that’s a little dramatic. When Beyonce went to shoot the Wonder Wheel portion of the video, operators thought they cleared the ride out. Apparently they forgot one couple who they left at the top for about 30 minutes. When they were let off, the woman had been crying. Apparently, Beyonce was unaware of this whole thing – although I find it hard to believe Beyonce is anything less than omniscient.

Anyway, about the music video. It’s actually pretty awesome how heavily it features Coney Island. It doesn’t quite feel like a music video though – really, it’s just more of a long, pretty commercial for Coney Island. I can live with that.

My favorite part is at the 0:47 mark, when one of the arcade carnies, apparently unaware of Beyonce’s divinity, attempts to stop the cameramen from recording and pushes the lens away. I’m glad they left that in. That is Coney Island.