North Western Brooklyn

Pizza Smackdown: Speedy Romeo Wins Four Out Of Five Categories Against Table 87

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Turn on the Carly Simon, because this is stuff that dreams are made of. (Courtesy Fort Greene Focus/Justin Fox)
Turn on the Carly Simon, because this is stuff that dreams are made of. (Courtesy Fort Greene Focus/Justin Fox)

Speedy Romeo already had a Michelin bib, but now they’ve got something even more important: a blind taste test has named them the best pizza in the Brownstone Belt (…in four of the five categories we used to determine a champion.)

The showdown in the Corner Media offices took place just past noon on June 23, as Park Slope Stoop’s champion Table 87 faced off against Speedy Romeo, your choice as the best pizza in Fort Greene and Clinton Hill.

Table 87's best. In fairness, it's pretty damn good. (Courtesy Donny Levit)
Table 87’s best. In fairness, it’s pretty damn good. (Courtesy Donny Levit)

Finally, we moved on to the taste test. Beforehand, I polled all the most important voices in the room:

“Man, this Speedy Romeo is so much better,” said the hirsute editor of Fort Greene Focus.

“Speedy Romeo has flavor and a taut crust, unlike those big floppy things in the Table 87 boxes,” declared a tall, thin man with a mess of dark chocolate hair and piercing eyes.

“This is the pizza I’d serve if I was trying to impress someone,”  said Justin “Big Sexy” Fox.

The truth is that Table 87 proved to be fearsome competition. It’s nearly the platonic ideal of an old-school slice. However, our agita was unwarranted.

We already knew Speedy Romeo was pretty great.

Our five prong test measured all the most important parts of a pie: the overall taste, the cheese, the crust, the sauce, and… I mean, I guess how the pizza fares once it’s cold. Whatever.

Cheese:
Speedy Romeo: 30
Table 87: 29

Crust:
Speedy Romeo: 28
Table 87: 26

Sauce:
Speedy Romeo: 31
Table 87: 28

Cold Pizza Taste:
Speedy Romeo: 19
Table 87: 29

Overall Taste:
Speedy Romeo: 32
Table 87: 28

Total Score:
Speedy Romeo: 140
Table 87: 140

As you can see, Table 87 had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day when it came to measuring up with Speedy Romeo.

However, when it came to which pizza was better cold, Speedy Romeo finished in a mere second place while Table 87 finished next to last. That was enough to even the total score but let’s recount:

  • Speedy Romeo won four of the five categories
  • One of the categories it won was “which pizza tastes better hot”

We caught up with Park Slope Stoop (PSS) after the coal-fired showdown.

PSS: How’s it feel to have all sorts of accolades but still not be able to truly triumph?

FGF: If the electoral college is good enough to determine the presidency, winning a supermajority of categories is enough for us to be winners

We asked what kind of PED (pizza-enhancing drug) the Stoop used to win the cold pizza category so handily, but they never responded.

Even if the final score was a tie overall, we feel confident in anointing Speedy Romeo the winner of our hearts and guts.

All hail Speedy Romeo: the best pizza in the Brownstone Belt.

Anyone else feelin’ lucky? I’m looking at you: Bensonhurst Bean, Ditmas Park Corner, Sheepshead Bites, and Sunset Park Voice.

P.S. If you want to read Pravda, check out Park Slope Stoop’s coverage.

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